Desperately
by Mikee1
Summary: The group is going to split up and May wants to stay to be with her favorite Trainer. She goes for a walk to clear her head but gets into trouble. And so ensues a desperate struggle for life and love. Advanceshipping. Angsty. R


All right, it sure has been a while. And during my down time in writing, I've picked up an old interest of mine. Now please don't read this if you're a faithful Pokeshipper or Contestshipper, or somebody who just doesn't like Advanceshipping. Please don't post hateful reviews.

Any other open fics I have right now are on hiatus, to those who are curious.

Notes: I'm not sure when/how Ash, May, Brock, and Max split up as I didn't watch the Battle Frontier saga. Also, for the purposes of this fic, Viridian City is like a real city. A somewhat large one.

Anyways, here we are. It's now 5 AM so keep in mind I wrote this very late at night. It's an angsty oneshot. Mature themes abound so don't read if it'll upset you or you're too young.

Disclaimer: I do not own Pokemon or any of its characters and creatures and settings. It all belongs to GameFreak and Nintendo and those places. If I did own it, May would've gone to Sinnoh with Ash and there would be many more Advanceshipping hints.

Hope you like it. Read and review.

**'**Thoughts**'**

**"**Dialogue**"**

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I sighed.

It seemed as though I had been doing that a lot lately. But I couldn't help it. After all, I had quite a bit weighing on my conscience.

Ash had finally defeated Brandon, the final Frontier Brain. And I, May, had competed in the Kanto Grand Festival. And just recently, we fought in a local Contest, where we tied. I reached into the smallest pocket on my pack and brought it out. It was half a ribbon. Ash's Sceptile had split the ribbon in half when we tied. Ash had the other half.

'Ash…' I closed my eyes, sighing again.

"May? Hey, May, are you okay?" My eyes shot open at the sound of his voice. I quickly stuffed the ribbon into my pocket.

"Wh-what? What's wrong?" Ash smiled weakly.

"I was about to ask you. You were kinda gazing off and then started to close your eyes."

"Oh, sorry. I guess I'm just a bit tired, that's all." He stared at me for a moment and I closed my eyes and grinned and his face relaxed into a warm smile.

"All right, if you say so." He turned away from me and went over to Brock to talk to the older man. As he walked away, the grin faded from my face and I frowned slightly.

I sighed.

We were inside the Viridian City Pokemon Center. We had arrived earlier that day and had gone straight to the center. Ash and I, who had been doing some training, had given our Pokemon to Nurse Joy who was still looking after them. And tomorrow, we were going to go our separate ways. Brock was going to go back to Pewter City and stay with his family for a bit before deciding what to do next. Ash would continue on to his home in Pallet Town. And my younger brother Max and I would return to our home in Hoenn. And that was what was weighing on my conscience. I didn't want to split up. I didn't want to leave.

'I want to stay…with Ash.'

I had fallen for the young Trainer. Hard. I had been surprised when I felt my heartbeat quicken and my face flush for the first time when he gave me one of his warm, kind smiles. But as time went on, I became less surprised of my feelings. He'd always been there for me. He always helped me train, cheered me on, comforted me when I lost. He always watched out for me, protected me.

'He's just so cute and kind and loving and caring. He helps out whenever and wherever he can and he's willing to stand up against anybody to protect others. He's just so…perfect.'

I hadn't wanted our journey together to end. I had wanted to keep going on with him. But all of her rivals had gone off to the Contests that would be opening soon in Johto. And Ash didn't know what he was going to do next. I had to continue my dream of becoming a top Coordinator.

'And he still hasn't realized how I feel. And he doesn't seem to feel the same way…I don't want to leave…but I don't know if I can stand to stay.' I felt my eyes well up with tears.

'I love him. But...he doesn't love me. I can't stand this anymore.' I rubbed my eyes, trying to get rid of the tears that threatened to fall. I turned around and walked over to the window, looking out at the city. I couldn't let any of them see me cry.

It was night but there was no light from the moon or the stars. Dark clouds hung over the city. The only light came from the many streetlights that lined all the streets. I pushed my forehead against the cool glass and let a few tears fall down my cheeks.

'It's just so unfair.'

"May?" I almost jumped at the sudden sound of his voice. His soft voice, full of care and concern. Concern for a friend.

'But not more than a friend,' I thought sadly.

"Uh yes, Ash?" I straightened up, taking my head off the glass, but didn't turn around. I tried to keep her voice even and quickly wiped the tears off my face with the back of my hands.

"Are you sure you're okay? You seem a little down." I smiled in spite of myself. He was always so concerned about everybody else. The thought only caused more tears to well up in my eyes. I swallowed hard, forcing the tears back. I kept my back to him.

"Yeah. I – I'm fine, Ash. Really. You don't have to worry about me." There was silence for a second. I could just picture his face, frowning out of worry for me. It was driving me insane.

'Oh god, I have to get out of here. I – I can't be here any longer. I have to go. Now.'

"I think I'll go for a walk. I just need some fresh air, that's all." I walked over to the door. I heard his footsteps follow me.

"Wait. Do you want me to come with you?" He spoke hurriedly, his tone openly worried. It was that worry, that concern for me that gave me my answer.

"No, it's okay. I just want to be alone for a bit." I said this all in as calm a manner as I could. On the inside, I wanted to scream. I wanted to scream as loud as I could.

"Oh, okay. Sure." His tone was still worried but it was resigned now. I pushed the door open and walked out. I still didn't look back. I began to walk. I never looked back.

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I lost track of time fast. By the time I looked up, I had no idea where I was. There were only a few streetlights on this street. It had a dark look to it. Most of the buildings were old and dirty. No one was on the street. I felt completely isolated and while that filled me with a sense of dread, I was content at the same time. I was lost and alone. I missed him but I felt relief. Somehow, it felt better to be away from him at the moment.

'Because I can't stand to be near him. I don't want to leave him but I can't _stand_ to be around him. It's tearing me apart. I – I don't know what to do.'

I let the tears fall freely. I could feel them trickling down my cheeks, leaving wet trails in their wake. I could feel them fall onto the pavement below me. I was shaking now. It was just too much. I fell onto my knees, my head bowed and the tears falling out of my eyes and straight down to the ground. My eyes were clenched tight, as were my fists. The dark clouds still hung overhead.

And suddenly, I felt someone's hands on me. Around me. Pulling me to my feet. I blinked, tears still in my eyes. I didn't recognize the hands. They felt large and rough. I glanced back and into the dark face of a complete stranger. He grunted and began to drag me towards a nearby alley.

"Come on, little girl. Let's have some fun."

I was able to do what I had so desperately wanted to in the Center. I screamed.

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I screamed. I screamed at the top of my lungs, begging somebody, anybody to hear me. He covered my mouth with his hand, keeping the other arm tight around my waist. My screams were muffled.

I kicked. I kicked as hard as I could. I struggled against his grip, desperate to get away. I had to get away from this man. But he was too big, too strong. And I was a paperweight for all it mattered. But none of that was going through my head. All I could think was that I needed to get away.

'Oh god, oh god, oh god! Please, just let me get away from him! Please, please, please, please, PLEASE!! Get out of here! Have to get out of here!! Oh god no, please. Please let me out of here…'

Tears came again as we reached the alley. He pushed me up against the wall and I instinctively braced myself against it with my arms. I let my head fall. The tears were coming much faster this time. I felt his hand travel up and down my body. He was still covering my mouth. He brought his face up next to mine.

"Ready?" I could smell him. It was a putrid smell that shook my already unstable body. I thrashed my head wildly. I was so desperate to get away. So desperate…_Absolutely desperate_…needed to get out…needed someone to save me.

Suddenly I heard a loud crack and the man's hands left my body. I slumped over against the wall and heard a loud thud. I turned around to see him standing where the man had been, arm outstretched, his face contorted in fury. My savior. Ash. The rain began to fall.

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"Don't you touch her!" He screamed. I had never seen him nearly this angry. I thought I could feel the rage coming from him. It was desperate fury. We were both desperate. Me to escape; him to protect.

The man slowly got up, rubbing his cheek where Ash had hit him. The rain began to fall harder as the man roared as suddenly charged Ash. I gasped and screamed as Ash fought back. But the man was so big, it was hopeless.

The rain became a downpour. I blinked and the two were on the ground, rolling around, slipping in the puddles. Then the man was on top. He raised his arm up and I saw a glint of silver in his hand. The streetlight was shining through the rain, lighting up the knife in the man's hands. Terror coursed through me.

'No…' There was a manic glint in the man's eyes. He was grinning madly. Ash's face was hidden by the man's body. I could only see his legs, kicking wildly, desperate. I felt frozen.

'**NO!**' I couldn't move and yet my body moved anyways. I felt myself push against the wall and I launched myself at the man's back. I grabbed his wrist and pulled back on it with everything I had. I put my entire life into holding his arm in the air. He struggled and tried to push me off. Suddenly he sagged under me and I glanced down through the rain to see Ash pull his fist back from the man's stomach. But just as suddenly as the man had gone slack, he stiffened again and wrenched his arm free. He brought his arm down toward Ash. I lunged for the knife, so desperately. But I wasn't fast enough. Through the rain, I saw the knife disappear in front of the man as I continued to struggle, desperately. But I felt it too. Felt the sharp pain deep in my stomach. And then it all stopped. The man stopped moving. Ash stopped moving. I stopped moving. But the rain kept falling.

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The man stumbled to his feet as I fell off his back. He began to run down the alley, slipping and falling in the rain. I fell on top of Ash. I could feel his chest rise and fall under me. His breathing was ragged and uneven. The same as mine. I pushed myself up to look at his face. His eyes were wide and staring up at the sky, into the unrelenting rain. The man had left the knife. I couldn't tell how deep through the rain. All I felt was that same desperateness. The need to save him. To save my savior. The boy I loved.

"Oh, Ash! Why did you have to be so concerned!!" I pounded weakly on his chest. "SOMEONE, HELP US! PLEASE!!! ANYONE!!!" My shouts disappeared into the night. I felt a tug on my shirt and I turned to face Ash. He was looking up at me. His eyes reflected mine. They were desperate.

"May," He said weakly. I could barely hear him.

"No, don't talk. Save your strength. PLEASE, CAN SOMEBODY HELP US!" I screamed again, my voice going hoarse. He tugged on my shirt harder this time and I looked down again. I couldn't tell my tears from the rain anymore. The rain kept coming down.

"May, I have to tell you." My eyes were wide. I shook my head. Shook it hard. As hard as I could.

"Ash, no. No, no, no, no, no, no, no." I stopped, closing my eyes as a fresh wave of tears mixed and mingled with the rain. "HELP US!!!"

"May, I…" I opened my eyes.

'No. Please, no.'

"I…"

'If I had paid attention to where I was going. If I didn't go out for a walk. If I just stayed strong and stayed in the Center. If I just came out with it and told him how I felt. If I hadn't fallen for him in the first place. If I hadn't met him. If I hadn't been born.'

"Ash, no…" I felt him take my hand in his.

"I love y – " I stared in horror as he stopped. His hand went limp. I gripped it tightly.

'No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.'

"Ash, don't leave me here. Don't leave me all alone. I love you too. I love you so much! Don't leave me alone!" I looked up. It was still raining. The streetlights cast a soft, pale light on the street outside the alley. I screamed. Desperately.

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Wow. Angsty, wasn't it? Well, if you've gotten this far, I'd appreciate it if you'd review, even if it's just to tell me that it was terribly written. Note that I said "terribly written." Don't review if you're just going to say "POKESHIPPING FOREVER! Advanceshipping sucks!"

I had felt the need to write some angst lately and I think I got it all out here. I plan on writing another fic soon. Probably a retelling of the Hoenn saga, along with my own twists of course. It'll be lighter too. But I need a lot of information. Mainly, where May competed in Contests and which ones she won. And where she and Ash caught their respective Pokemon teams, excluding Corphish, Taillow, Treecko, and Beautifly.

And who knows. If I get enough reviews, I might even do a sequel. Though I doubt it. Not only is this rated M, it's Advanceshipping too. But even so, please review.


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